A Ray of Hope for Iraq
Press Action
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
http://www.pressaction.com/news/weblog/full_article/holmquist07072004/
By Micah Holmquist
Hope has appeared in Iraq. Never before has the sun shone itself in the country and Iraqis are able to smile for the first time.
This is the result of the handover of sovereignty to a government more or less picked by the United States. “May freedom reign forever” ought to be a popular slogan in Iraq that sums up the nation’s mood.
The handover was a beautiful affair, perhaps the most beautiful ever to have happened on June 28. In the office of Iraq’s then interim prime minister, Ayad Allawi, an event unfolded that appeared straight out of the orgy scene in Eyes Wide Shut, except, instead of a blindfolded organist, the music was provided by one of Tikrit’s finest marching bands. (Yes, they were wearing blindfolds.)
Due to the prevalence of masks it is unclear who all exactly was there. According to semi-substantiated rumors, Jennifer Capriati, Bobby Knight and Kid Rock were amongst those in attendance.
Paul Bremer of the Coalition Provisional Authority began the ceremony at just before 10:30 a.m. local time. “The Iraqi people are becoming fully free today,” he said, “except for the matters that interest the coalition of the United States of America, Great Britain and those countries that will soon be receiving their varsity letter for war,” he said. “You might say you want more, and you might even believe it, but this is the best you folks are going to do.”
Bremer then proceeded to hand Iraqi Chief Justice Mahdi Mahmoud a leather-bound folder with a collectable certificate declaring Iraq to be “sovereign," a coupon for $1 off any purchase exceeding $5 at any participating Dairy Queen (expires August 31, 2004) and the key to Iraq.
“Saddam never treated us like this,” Mahmoud said to an enthusiastic crowd that spontaneously began waving American flags.
Allawi was visibly in tears as he was sworn as the Prime Minister of Iraq. In an exclusive interview, Allawi told Press Action this was a day a great day for him personally. “My dream has long been to run a puppet government in Iraq for America, but part of me never thought my dream would come true,” he said. “But now, thanks to America, it has. It is beyond me how anyone could ever deny that America truly is the greatest country in the world.”
Experts are bitterly divided on how much sovereignty Iraq will have, with some saying “none” and others believing the correct answer is actually “only a little bit.”
Iraqis “have a sovereignty that is so limited that they do not control their country’s air space or its ports. The security forces they do control are so limited, undertrained, and untested that Iraq’s new leaders are completely dependent on foreign soldiers even for their very lives,” H.D.S. Greenway writes in a July 2 Boston Globe column. “They are being asked to rule a country that has been so reduced by the incompetence of the Americans that very few lights turn on at night in the capital.”
After the ceremony U.S. Ambassador to Iraq John Negroponte held an open house for attendees interested in talking more about his plans for Iraq. Dressed in a Doctor Doom costume, Negroponte said the most unlikely of sources had convinced him that Iraq had a future.
“Most people wouldn’t have picked this out but in that new movie Fahrenheit 911 there’s a scene where an Iraqi woman is whining about us killing her loved ones and destroying her block,” the ambassador said. “She’s cursing America and saying God will avenge this. It might look bad, but I’m thinking, ‘what’s more American than to think God is going to avenge you without even once wondering why God allowed whatever He is going to avenge to happen in the first place?’ We may not win over this woman, but if any of her sons are left, I fully expect to see them not too long from now helping us abuse children and overthrow governments that get out of line.”
The handful of Iraqis in attendance said they were impressed by the day’s proceedings.
One Iraqi man who asked that his name not be used told Press Action, “I was overwhelmed by how down-to-earth Ambassador Negroponte was. My son went up to him for an autograph and he pulled out a glossy color photograph and signed it for my son.”
The autographed picture read, “Be on your best behavior… or else. And keeping reaching for the stars, John Negroponte.”
Micah Holmquist, editor of Irregular Thoughts and Links, is a Cadillac, Mich.-based writer.