Press Action ::: Old-Timers Hitting the Panic Button

Monday, April 19, 2004

Old-Timers Hitting the Panic Button

By Mark Hand

Howard Zinn dislikes John Kerry. The distinguished historian didn’t beat around the bush during his guest spot on Janeane Garofalo’s The Majority Report radio show last Friday night. At one point, he described Kerry’s pledge to increase the number of U.S. soldiers in Iraq, if elected president, as “the definition of fanaticism.” Zinn added: “It’s going to be hard for the American people to distinguish the two on the war.”

In spite of the obvious lack of distinguishing characteristics between the Democratic and Republican presidential candidates on this defining issue of the day, the 81-year-old Boston Red Sox fan is so fearful of another four-year term for George Bush that he has, you guessed it, jumped on the ABB bandwagon. Zinn told Garofalo’s reality-bitten audience that, while “we should be critical of Kerry,” we should, “sure, vote for him.”

Zinn offered an allegorical argument for anti-war Americans to send Kerry to the mound on Pennsylvania Avenue in relief of the former Texas Rangers owner. “If Kerry is elected, we’ll have a little ledge to stand on,” Zinn said, referring to the potential influence progressives would be able to impart on a Kerry administration. “Presidents can be moved by their constituencies.”

Or, Kerry, if awarded the presidency, could throw Zinn and his fellow lefty ABBers a changeup by giving the “disenfranchised left” a quick hook from the ledge into the bowels of the Democratic Party, never to be heard from for another four years.

Here’s how one Air America Radio listener described Zinn’s line of thinking on the upcoming presidential contest. “Just heard Howard characterize the difference between dems and pubs as the difference between a little ledge to stand on and no ledge to stand on,” the listener commented on The Majority Report blog. “That’s very witty, but where is the actual evidence to base it on. ... Worrying about the Presidency is majoring in the minors. Thinking there’s a difference between dems and pubs is to be hypnotized by one’s corporate upbringing. The only difference is who has to worry about losing the federal funding that pays their wages: for the dems it’s people like planned parenthood (they aren’t likely to lose their pay checks, but it’s a worry under someone like Bush); for the pubs it’s, well, faith based organizations leap to mind. Those aren’t real differences, but the people in question who want to continue getting paid will treat the differences as if Hitler and Gandhi were being contrasted.”

After learning about Zinn’s support for the ABB voting strategy, a regular contributor to Press Action remarked to me: “How can we account for all the old-timers hitting the panic button in tandem?” Good question.

In fact, there’s enough of these Hall of Fame lefty ABBers to field a team in an old-timers league. If hired to manage a lefty ABB old-timers team, I’d make Chomsky my ace starting pitcher, with Michael Parenti starting at catcher and batting leadoff since on occasion he still shows signs of his old firebrand self. Zinn, with his lanky frame, would fit well at first base. I’m not sure of his fielding ability so I’d stick Edward Herman at second base where his potential defensive weaknesses could be hidden. He had Tommy Lasorda as a tutor, so I’d pencil in Tom Hayden at the all-important shortstop position. (I can’t imagine Hayden and Herman turning many double plays, though.) She turns 60 this summer so that makes Molly Ivins eligible for the old-timers league. I’d put her at third base and hope she still has enough pop to bat cleanup. I’d stick James Weinstein in right field, Victor Navasky in center and, in the hope that some of Fidel’s baseball acumen has rubbed off, I’d assign Saul Landau to left field. For my closer, I’d bring in Studs Terkel, with his 91 years of wisdom and optimism, to seal the victory.

My all-star lefty ABBers would be a sure bet to display team unity and solidarity. And I think they’d fight hard for wins, unless the league commissioner tells them that, even if they did finish with the best regular season record, they’d be ineligible for the league championship series due to anti-establishment conduct earlier in their careers. If this proved to be the case, I suspect my players would give up the fight and head for the showers. They’d likely try to put a positive spin on their acquiescence, however. And they’d probably opt to root for any team to win the pennant but the old-time Bronx Bombers from the Evil Empire.

Mark Hand is editor of Press Action and Arlington Reporter.

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